Money Trails
by MaestroWalrus
Summary: What happens when Hidan decides to set a trap for Kakuzu, using his money as bait? The usual Akatsuki-related madness, of course. Crack-ish fic, bit of OOC-ness. Rated for Hidan being...well, Hidan.


_Clink. Clink. Clink. _Another silver piece was laid down carefully along the dark floor of the Akatsuki lair. A pair of violet eyes glowed out from the shadowy corners of the hideout as Hidan stepped back to admire the path of twinkling silver that he had laid before him, stretching out down the hall, winding down the stairs, and off into the distance. Pale fingers twirled a line of fishing wire (Stolen from Kisame, naturally) between them, eager with anticipation. He only had to wait a few moments before the quiet stillness of the lair was broken by the abrupt sound of a door slamming downstairs...

The moment that Kakuzu exited the lair's (incredibly spacious) kitchen with a giganto-tub of vanilla off-brand ice cream (Because it's always cheaper to buy in bulk, of course), he was rooted to the floor, transfixed by the ethereal gleam of a lovely shiny quarter.

"Money…" He gasped quietly, a wide-eyed stare still burning holes through the metal currency. Then, money-whore instincts going full tilt, he made a full Bond-style dive for the quarter, rolling as he caught it. And before he had time to do a double take, he noticed another quarter not far from where he'd picked up the first. The same action followed, and before long, he noticed a trail of shiny quarters leading up the stairs. (lulz, money trail)

Kakuzu fought to keep a (yet another) heart attack from occurring, and proceeded to snatch up each quarter along the path. Kakuzu felt his heart attacks coming back with a vengeance as his pockets started to fill up with change, and as he came to the top of the stairs, his eyes (if possible) grew larger as he spotted a five dollar bill near a seemingly innocuous stick propped up on the ground.

"MONEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" He screamed, launching himself at the currency in a dive that would rival Tobi on a sugar high. Which isn't bloody easy. As soon as the old money-whore was reunited with his beloved cash, Hidan took it upon himself to pull the fishing wire that was attached to the stick, which was holding up a giant box that Kakuzu had conveniently overlooked before, thanks to his tunnel vision for the moneys.

"Oh damn." Kakuzu's eyes widened as a large metal box fell onto him. Before he could push it off of himself, he heard a thud as Hidan leaped on top of the box to hold it down.

"HA! Fuck yeah! Take that, you filthy heathen!" Hidan yelled triumphantly, an idiotic grin plastered onto his face.

Of course, the victorious grin didn't last very long, as Kakuzu had punched right through the box with a hardened fist, knocking Hidan's head clean off and sailing across the lair.

"Damn money whoring old bastard heathen fossil!!!" Hidan screamed as his head flew through the air, before colliding with Tobi, smacking him off-balance and causing him to fall down the stairs, flailing about.

"WAAAAAMBULANCE! Deidara-sempaaaaai! Hidan's decapitated flying head made me fall down the staaairs! Also, Tobi cannot feel his legs, Deidara-sempaaaaai!!" Tobi whined loudly, slumped at the bottom of the stairs.

Deidara's eye twitched sporadically as the artist fought to keep his blood pressure from going through the roof. The artist merely rose calmly from the sofa at which he had been making a new clay sculpture, walked over to the closet, withdrew some rope and a giganto-roll of duct tape (Yet again, the benefits of buying in bulk) and walked toward Tobi with a maniacal grin on his face.

"Waaaa…sempaaaai, Tobi wonders why you have the duct tape and rope out…again…Tobi didn't do anything! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi wailed in fear of the duct tape…

"Mwahahaha." Deidara laughed a few minutes later as he finished tying the rope that now held a silenced and fully duct-taped tobi from the ceiling of Zetsu's greenhouse, just above the reach of Walter, Zetsu's gigantic pet flytrap. Deidara spared another evil laugh at the sight of it, there was nothing better after a long day than duct taping Tobi to the ceiling and watching Walter try to reach up and eat him with his sharp pointy teeth of dooms. Konan even dropped in to document the spectacle with her camera. (It's going in the Akatsuki scrapbook)

Meanwhile, Hidan and Kakuzu had resumed their usual dysfunction…

"Ay! Bring my fucking body back here and sew my damn head back on, you pain in the ass old fart!!" Hidan yelled back at Kakuzu, who had escaped the box-o-dooms and was currently attempting to play a round of ten-pin bowling with Hidan's severed head and ten old cans of beans (Seriously, the many advantages of buying in bulk).

"Can it, Hidan. This is so much cheaper than going to the bowling lanes. Do you have any idea how much money I'm saving?" Kakuzu retorted, whirling Hidan down the makeshift lane, knocking down the last two cans.

"Spare me. I haven't got the damn patience for your miserly bullshit! NOW SEW MY HEAD BACK ON YOU HEATHEN!!" Hidan yelled back, scowling. He probably would have continued with his rant, but he was interrupted by the sight of a particularly large spider, which had crawled out of one of the old knocked-down bean cans, and was now making a run for his face.

"OMGWTFBBQ!! NOOOO!!! KAKUZU, GET YOUR CHEAP ASS OVER HERE AND KILL IT!! OH GOD ITS ON MY FACE!! GET IT OFF! FILTHY HEATHEN SPIDER!!! I WILL SMITE YOU! NOOOOOOO!" Hidan screamed in terror, trying to bite the spider as it frantically crawled over his face.

Naturally, Kakuzu was rather disinclined to help. In fact, he planned to make Saturdays at the lair bowling night, for everyone. (At the cost of ten dollars a person, of course.)


End file.
